Saturday, January 26, 2013

January Challenge - Bad Beginning

Misha over at My First Book, has a challenge called Word Master Challenge. January's challenge was to write a really bad beginning. When I wrote this, I purposely wrote a character who was cruel and based on evil stereotypes. Remember, it's supposed to be really bad, so please don't think that my personal opinions are the same as my characters.

The Atrocious Beginning: 

The sky was red and orange because the sun was setting. I just stood there. Watching the sun. And then I almost died ‘cause a stupid bird flew in my face. It was stupid. Dumb. Stupid. Pff. That bird thought he was better than humans, and so he attacked me. I yelled vulgar words at him as he flew away. I was so angry. So pissed. Like, OMG, who did he think he was?

He reminded me of my ex. My ex was an idiot ‘cause he dumped me. I mean, sure, the stupid boy was nice to me and bought me stuff and cool things. He even gave me feet rubs on demand. Then one day, he just upped and said, “I feel like you’re taking advantage of me.” But I wasn’t. I was just enjoying everything he did for me. Still, the moron was, like, treating me like a bad guy and saying he couldn’t be with me anymore, because, like, I wouldn’t do anything for him. Well, duh. That’s because I was the king of that relationship. Ugh, he acted like such a wimp.

Yeah, that’s right. I’m a boy and I like boys. It means I’m gay. Well, anyways, I turned around. Then I walked back to my house. I walked in the house and saw my brother’s girlfriend. She was sitting at the table with glasses on and reading a book. Then my brain gave me an idea. Like, I went to the cabinet and pulled out my dad’s prescription medicine. It was called Viagra. I took it and got enlarged because that’s what Viagra does.  I did it because I’m gay but wanted to dominate my brother’s girlfriend. Then I rubbed up all over her ‘cause she’s a ho. Every woman’s a ho. Then she punched me and kicked me in the balls.

Why it's bad:
  • A horrible character who uses stereotypes 
  • pointing out the obvious
  • repetition
  • telling not showing
  • switching of the verb tense
Again, I don't actually have anything against gay people and I don't think women are all hoes. I just wanted to create an obnoxious character for this challenge.


  1. Well, you succeeded in the obnoxious :) Good character building in this. But yes, all that description of the day was pretty awful. This just proves a good character intro can be ruined by too much irrelevant info - not that the viagra thing was irrelevant . .


  2. Hahahaha nicely done. You definitely succeeded in writing a bad opening. Well done!

    Glad to say I'm your first follower. And I'm honored that this was your first entry. :-)

    Will be back to judge your entry against others. Thanks for entering!

  3. Yechh. You definitely managed to create an extremely horrible and unsympathetic character! Great job!

    And gotta love that opening line, and that you used "OMG". :)

    Welcome to the blogosphere, by the way. Follower number 2!

  4. *pinching nose* Yup. It's a stinker. Good, er, bad job!