Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Theme 11 - 33%

Zach scuttled across a busy road on the way to his friends house. He let out a sigh once he reached the other side. There had to be a better way to travel. Passing by a gas station, he read all the signs that he passed. "Gas - 3.99." "Soda - 1.50." "33%."

"33 percent?" Zach read out loud. He stopped before the sign and tilted his head at the number. Green leaves intruded on the percent sign and the rest of the words as well. Slowly, he reached and pulled the branch back. The sun shined on the words as he read, "Teleportation devices inside. 33% better than before!" A huge smile lit up his face. If it was better than before, then it must be great now. He only had five more minutes to walk 'til he arrived at his destination, but he may as well try a new travelling technique if it's been improved.

Zach sauntered into the gas station, ready to try anything. He stopped at the front desk and inquired about the sign.

The red headed cashier nodded his head and then told him all about the machine. He had bought it a few years ago after owning a promotional model and planned to charge people 25 cents for each trip. It seemed like easy money, and it was much cheaper than gas. However, it never took off. He kept having problems, especially with the promotional one.

"What kind of problems?" Zach asked.

"Well, sometimes body parts would get left behind. Someone even left everything but her neck and head. That wasn't a fun lawsuit. Apparently, when the salesman said the machine was 33% better than nothing, it meant that the machine only transported 33% of someone's body."

Zach's mouth hung open. Surely, that didn't mean...Nah. The second machine was improved now. He could travel safely if he avoided the promotional one--he was sure of it, but he wanted some more assurance from this man. "But the machine's better, right? It probably works well since it's been improved."

"Well, it is only 33% improved," said the cashier, stroking his elongated beard.

The patron scoffed and laughed. "So that means only 66% of someone's body is transported?"

"Yup. Would you like to try it? It only costs 33 cents, 33% more of 25 for the extra 33% of your body."

Zach didn't reply. Instead, he threw himself out the door and ran down the street away, clutching at his favorite 33% of his body.
Monday, January 28, 2013

Layers and Layers of Clothes

Marla and Darla used to get into a lot of trouble when they were the only small children still left in the nest. In fact, they were the youngest out of a whopping eight children. How Ms. Elaine raised eight children is quite a mystery to me, but I'm definitely sure she raised them all with humor and a stern face.

Overtime the twins piled up clothes on the floor. T-shirts, pants, jackets, underwear--they were all over the place! The two sisters remained occupied with school, boys, and recreation, and just left used or unwanted clothes on the bathroom floor (their closet was in the bathroom). They didn't have time for cleaning, but their momma sure fixed them.

She walked into the bathroom, and one glance told her everything she needed to know. "If you're not going to hang it on the hanger, then you're going to wear it. Every piece." After the girls slipped on all their clothing, Ms. Elaine made them sit down for two hours until they final realized that clothes were to be worn or hung up but not strewn out on the floor.

The brother Greg laughed and he laughed at his younger sisters, but that's ok. They had his number.
Saturday, January 26, 2013

January Challenge - Bad Beginning

Misha over at My First Book, has a challenge called Word Master Challenge. January's challenge was to write a really bad beginning. When I wrote this, I purposely wrote a character who was cruel and based on evil stereotypes. Remember, it's supposed to be really bad, so please don't think that my personal opinions are the same as my characters.

The Atrocious Beginning: 

The sky was red and orange because the sun was setting. I just stood there. Watching the sun. And then I almost died ‘cause a stupid bird flew in my face. It was stupid. Dumb. Stupid. Pff. That bird thought he was better than humans, and so he attacked me. I yelled vulgar words at him as he flew away. I was so angry. So pissed. Like, OMG, who did he think he was?

He reminded me of my ex. My ex was an idiot ‘cause he dumped me. I mean, sure, the stupid boy was nice to me and bought me stuff and cool things. He even gave me feet rubs on demand. Then one day, he just upped and said, “I feel like you’re taking advantage of me.” But I wasn’t. I was just enjoying everything he did for me. Still, the moron was, like, treating me like a bad guy and saying he couldn’t be with me anymore, because, like, I wouldn’t do anything for him. Well, duh. That’s because I was the king of that relationship. Ugh, he acted like such a wimp.

Yeah, that’s right. I’m a boy and I like boys. It means I’m gay. Well, anyways, I turned around. Then I walked back to my house. I walked in the house and saw my brother’s girlfriend. She was sitting at the table with glasses on and reading a book. Then my brain gave me an idea. Like, I went to the cabinet and pulled out my dad’s prescription medicine. It was called Viagra. I took it and got enlarged because that’s what Viagra does.  I did it because I’m gay but wanted to dominate my brother’s girlfriend. Then I rubbed up all over her ‘cause she’s a ho. Every woman’s a ho. Then she punched me and kicked me in the balls.

Why it's bad:
  • A horrible character who uses stereotypes 
  • pointing out the obvious
  • repetition
  • telling not showing
  • switching of the verb tense
Again, I don't actually have anything against gay people and I don't think women are all hoes. I just wanted to create an obnoxious character for this challenge.